yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
