i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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