Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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