Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
