so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
