we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
