I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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