Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
