i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
