Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
