lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
