she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
