I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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