So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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