Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
