I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
