all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
