Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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