I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
