YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
