I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
