yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
