my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm like, not good at living.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
