Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
