halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
