plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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