so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
