At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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