yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
