Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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