we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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