the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it glows. i had to have it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
