I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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