the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
