Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
