I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
