VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Randomize
