It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
