Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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