I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
