I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
