i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
