The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
