i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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