i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
