he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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