When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
