Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
