i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
