I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
God I need to hump something, right now.
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